For Realz?!

April 22, 2009 at 4:27 PM | Posted in Agents, Queries | 5 Comments
Tags: , , , ,



Dere Sir/Madam Agent,
(mis. jorgeeeson, mister smiteh, ms. honnnson, Tara),

i hav been rightin mi latest novel 4 a while now, & i think u want to rep my novle becuz it is da bomb. best thing wirtten since ever, even beter then herry petter. do not miz out on dis oportunitee now becuz some1 will rep me if u donot hury.

i haz no prior righting exprienzze in publizhgin but i haz submited to megazeens b4 & the editor told me 2 keep workin becuz i would make it fo sho. i hav pured my hart & sole in2 this work, & u will enjoi it immenzely. as will da rest of the world, itz an ezcapez from the hustle & bustle of evryday life to a new world.

in this story, my MC whoz name iz Mary Sue (nicknamed Suzie-Mare) falls for this guy named Gary Stu (but ppl call him Stuewy) exceptzz hes not a good person. but she luvz him nywyaz. so this is a probeml, u c? this book haz evrythign – drma , love, mystri, intriga. it showz that nothiing is as it seems. readers will find that nothing will every ben the same after readin dis book.

itz a spinoff/fanfic of da most populer series these days, a nd i expect to rite a seriz of ten bookz, about 15K each. I only except chekz from mager bnakz, & u need to call me bak by 2nite, & sell it too scholzatic or rendemhoose by nxt wek.

yous welcum.

-da nxt JoK eRowling.

PS i wantz a 10 figure deel for book 1 alonez.
PPS get bak 2 me asap so i canz start righting dis

So, that’s my latest query letter. Care to share any feedback on it?

Yes, this is for realz.

No, I’m actually kidding. Over at kt literary, (they rep Maureen Johnson!) there’s a contest of sorts going on, in relation to Queryday on Twitter. Come up with the worst query letter you can, break all the rules, and you just might win a copy of Josie Bloss’s Band Geeked Out. In addition, some of the other queries in the comments are really amusing.

Pop by here to check it out! Best of luck ;)




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  1. I laughed so hard.

    Now I know what not to write, at least. :D

  2. I posted a query – it was fun! Cathartic, anyways. It’s for “Harry Potter 8: Huddlepuff’s Revenge” (and yes, I know it’s misspelled :P).

  3. Hahahah brilliant!! I should submit my first ever query- Oh Lordy it was bad.

  4. Hahahahaha! This sounds too fun not to try . . .

  5. Hahaha I almost got a headache trying to figure out what it said! There’s another forum (querytracker’s I think) that has a whole section dedicated to horrible fake queries.

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